Myths and consequences of Intimate Partner Violence
ManAlive Sacramento Inc is an accountability and advocacy peer group program led by an experienced facilitator and co-led by the participants. Together we address the issues concerning the violence we do to our partners, ourselves, our children, and our community. These men and women gain new coping strategies with mindfulness techniques and communication skills to successfully develop healthy relationships and co-create more peace in their lives.
Emotional, verbal, sexual, and physical violence is largely a man’s problem that men must solve, and we believe it is a community problem as well. ManAlive Sacramento Inc starts the process in two ways:
We take the mystery out of our violence, which helps the individual stop our violence, then,
Participants support each other to build safe new supportive belief systems for themselves at home, at work, in their neighborhood, and wherever they hang out. This peer community approach is successful in reversing what we were taught in our community, that violence is a mark of power and manliness.
Here’s where we start:
We often blame our victims for provoking us to be violent. Most men and women start out doing that, and this program helps us understand the problems will our violence will cause us. We will show you why and how you do your violence – and why blaming yourself and your loved ones will make you powerless to stop your violence. Our partner may be every bit as violent as we are, and some are, but only they have the power to stop their violence. We will offer you the tools necessary to Stop Your Violence.
The Woman Alive portion of this program is dedicated to motivating women to manifest positive change in their lives, through accountability. WomanAlive-Sacramento strives to foster communication and cooperation between women and men by educating woman about the concepts of healthy boundaries, personal choice and self-responsibility. We promote a vision wherein families can live free from the threat of all forms of domestic violence.
We have the power to stop our violence… And it is urgent that we do so!
What is the damage or loss your violent behavior has caused for you, for people you care about, and for the larger community? At ManAlive Sacramento we can help you stop manipulating, insulting, raging, threatening, and insulting your loved ones and driving them away. If they are already gone, you could be chasing a long, expensive, drawn-out, bitter family court battle for child custody and alimony rather than trying to solve the problem. You know it is only getting worse without help. You and thousands of others may have been in jail or prison, doing time on misdemeanor and felony counts of domestic and general violence. Many guys even end up murdering their partners and sometimes killing themselves. This program will show you ways to avoid all that, and put an end to all the hurt you’re causing yourself and your loved ones. Working with others who are in the same boat we can stop 90% of the violence in our homes, on the street, and in the world. This program can help you get the best leverage on the problem, and assist you to change your life.
Here’s how we change:
With support and willingness, we listen to our hearts - the center of our true identity, our authentic self – we know we want to love and be loved. We want to know we hold equal value regardless of what we have been taught. We learn not to believe what we hear from others; that our violence is a very complex issue, an unsolvable mystery, or something a man or a woman has got to do. We disregard what we’ve heard or used, believing that our violence is as natural as the weather, and, like the weather, there’s nothing we can do about it. We no longer accept that “Boys will be boys” and violence is normal. We don’t agree with the studies of other batterers’ treatment programs suggesting that the programs don’t really work and only give partners and children false hopes of change.
“Interventions that include encouraging batterers to assess their needs independently of their partners, teaching effective ways to manage anger and develop assertiveness skills, and enhancing batterers’ self esteem, highlighting their competence is perceived to be more effective in the treatment of male batterers than were interventions that solely target an understanding of gender socialization and how that socialization can lead to interpersonal difficulties. This may be interpreted to mean that facilitators may have greater success in treatment when interventions focus on enhancing the clients sense of self worth, develop skills to manage anger and develop clear communication, and differentiating the clients needs and realities from that of his partners. Though interventions aimed at developing an understanding of how a batterer learned what it means to be a man, and how his ideas of how masculinity and femininity can create problems if they are to ridged, are still perceived to be effective, they are not as impactful as Autonomy/Empowerment interventions.”
We are not powerless to stop our violence. We are not stupid, evil, or crazy. We are so thoroughly trained in a system of beliefs that we don’t know how to operate differently. We see situations in the way we are trained, we follow the rules we are trained to obey, and the system of beliefs distorts how we see ourselves and how relationships are supposed to work. That distortion tricks us into believing that coercing ourselves and others with our violence is the only way to make any one see us as worthwhile.
Those of us in the program finally realized what our heart always knew; our violence doesn’t really work. We know that we’d rather be loved than feared.
Now it’s up to you.
Would you rather be feared or loved?
Violence is learned and can be unlearned. You have the power to change.
There is no judgment in ManAlive groups. All of us in the program started right where you are and we all need help learning a new way. We look forward to working with you if you choose to join us.